The Manitowoc Pilot

September 13, 1867

“What Is It? or The Sea Serpent On A ‘Rampage.’”

Written for the Manitowoc Pilot / By Shep. P. Smith, “Our Machine Poet.”

The tale which I’m about to tell, kind readers, give an ear unto it, knowing at it you will wonder well, in any light that you may view it. '‘Tis of a monster “sar-pi-ent" or “What is it?” I scarcely can describe this monster, lately sent into the water of Lake Michigan.

This monster was first seen, I’m told, “sporting,” near Chicago city; but no one there was found so bold, as to go near it - more’s the pity, for then they all could know of what the “Critter” was compounded; besides, I think, it should been caught, by some one - and been “drown-ded.”

A bold sea-captain in his ship, was the first who did discover, (this news I from a paper clip) this huge sea serpent rover. And next a German fisherman, while out upon the Lake, then saw “dish pig vat ish ter tam Pig monsther pat a schnaik.”

Full forty feet in length, ‘tis said, this awful monster surely was; with a snarky, bellows-looking head, and ponderous pair of jaws. His long, huge body, round and black, “Tremen-ji-ous” was - beside, when his long tail came down “ca-whack,” it lashed to foam the watery tide.

Then down into the “vasty deep,” this monster made a dive, nor to the surface did he peep, until he did arrive - off Michigan City - there he “blowed,” there a “justice,” wondrous wise, made oath to what he said “he knowed,” and swore “he’d seen it with his eyes.”

My story now is half but told, nor think me here to balk; the “sarpint” by two ladies bold, next was seen near Manitowoc. Roaring and splashing on the beach, which filled their souls with dire affright, nor pause they till they breathless, reach, a place of safety in their flight.

They even fled to Jere’s arms, and ye model Pilot man, was moved to daring by their charms - and blame him ye who can. “He would protect them from,” he swore, “this cruel sar-pi-ent,” and boldly paced his office floor, he said just what he meant.

And when sufficient time elapsed, to gather up their wits, and other things that had collapsed, they vowed they’d “give it fits.” They tell the tale, away pell-mell, the people rush to view, this mighty monster - but ah! well, in vain the “sarpent” they pursue.

And little cared his snakeship for, their rage, and hue, and cry, since he’d got safely “off the bar,” his paddles he let fly; and off he scooted down the lake, determined on a “bum,” nor halt nor stoppage did he make, till he to Milwaukee came.

And there out sailing on the bay, was a gent and ladies fair, the gentle evening zephers play, with the ribbons in their hair; and thus while lovingly they sail, o’er the bright waters, calm and blue, this huge “sea-serpent’s” head and tail, all suddenly appeared in view.

They saw it as some mighty beast, ne’er known to human lore, as living in our lake - at least, they’d never seen the like before; it’s head was huge - with mighty jaws, and eyes of molten fire, many fathoms long its body was, and bigger than a cart-wheel’s tire.

It gazes on them with frightful mien, then for a moment disappears, but soon close on their boat is seen, which filled them with redoubled fears. The ladies scream - and always will - just as the very time they shouldn’t, the gent tries hard their fears to still, but the trouble was - he couldn’t.

They tore like mad about the boat, and one came nearly tumbling over, one treacherous oar, too, was afloat, our hero’s hat, too, was a rover. The monster rose to a fearful height, glared on them with its eyes, then madly plunged beneath their sight, no more they saw it rise.

The boat outrides the fearful wake, they live to tell the fearful tale, unto their children of the snake, they saw while on that evening’s sail. And now, good folks, my tale is told, just make what comments you see fit, trusting you will not think you’re sold, in this rampage of the “What is it?”

(As the above is strictly of the “high-pressure” order, the author does not hold himself responsible for its merits as a literary production. No other apology is offered.)

“Historic Cryptid Headlines” showcases actual articles involving cryptids that were published within United States newspapers back in the 1800s-1900s. The articles posted here are written exactly as they appeared during their original publishing date.

-The Pine Barrens Institute

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